Review of "The Bad Beginning"

"If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book."

     This is the first sentence in a very depressing book by Lemony Snicket, entitled The Bad Beginning. Although it features three clever, personable, and reasonably attractive children, the things that happen to them--losing their parents in a horrible fire, for instance, and being forced to participate in a poorly written play by Al Funcoot--are simply too horrible to imagine. In fact, if I were you, I would close the window immediately so as not to read another letter in this review.

     Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire are some of the most unique children I have ever read about. Fourteen-year-old Violet, of course, is perhaps the finest teenaged inventor the world has ever seen. Her brother, Klaus, is twelve, but if you were talking with him over the telephone you would think he was twenty, and a professor, for all the knowledge he possesses from reading so many books. And Sunny, the youngest, possesses four incredibly sharp teeth and a unique vocabulary.

     Unfortunately for readers, and for the children, the Baudelaires are not the only characters who populate this book. Alongside them are Mr. Poe, a banker with a horrible cough, who is in charge of the children and the enormous fortune their parents left behind, and Count Olaf, the orphans' new guardian. Count Olaf is an actor who is unpleasant, unkept, and villainous, a term which here means "only caring about stealing the children's money, instead of taking care of the children themselves". Count Olaf is the leader of a theatre troupe that is just as horrid as he is, and just as willing to steal the Baudelaire fortune. Each and every one of these people appears at least once, and I am sorry to say that they all contribute, at least in part, to the unfortunate events in these children's lives.

     However, despite their troubles, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire quickly become adept at spotting opportunities for happiness, and spend quite a bit of time reading, inventing, and biting. No matter what unfortunate events are thrown their way, they discover ways to thwart the people throwing them, and dare to hope that they can make things better for themselves. In this they are different from characters in some other books, who find themselves stressed out and overwhelmed by adversity.

     Over the course of this book, the Baudelaire orphans encounter cold porridge, a kind judge, a birdcage, duct tape, and uncomfortable clothing, all of which the author records in detail. Although full of melancholy, Mr. Snicket's narrative is insightful and interesting, if defining words and making complicated situations easier to understand strikes you as interesting.

     According to Snicket, the events of this tale are just as real as he is, but even if that is the case there is no need to fear about profanity. The vocabularies of these characters are quite clean, unless a single "Blast it" can be considered filthy. No other forms of cussing can be found within the pages of The Bad Beginning. The reading level is basic, and any word that might be found difficult is defined in a simple, and sometimes humorous, manner.

     If you are interested in pleasant tales about ponies, cheerful youngsters, or breathtaking adventures, it would be best that you looked elsewhere for entertainment. But if misfortune, triumphing over evil, and the word "Gack!" strike your fancy, this is the book for you--although why that would be the case is beyond me. On a scale of five stars, where one is "slightly unsettling" and five is "filled with extremely unlucky orphans, delicious pasta, and a fascinating plot", The Bad Beginning ought to sit squarely at five. It is my duty to review the book, as it was Mr. Snicket's to write it, but it is not your duty to read it, a phrase which here means "wouldn't you rather read about ponies?"